Bikes in Trees: A Cautionary Tale

Well, if you haven’t noticed from the first 7 posts, I’m an idiot the greatest. I did something kind of really stupid when I put my bike in that tree. No, the stupid thing wasn’t putting my bike in a tree. It was taking off my kryptonite lock to take the picture. It’s a big orange and black ugly thing in the middle of my frame. It had to go for the sake of the picture. Yes, I feel stupid for forgetting it on the grass, but I'm not on this earth to just not put bikes in trees!

About half an hour earlier, I took a picture of it on a cool bridge and did the same thing. A girl walking by asked if the lock was mine when she saw it on the ground. I forgot I put it down then too.

Forshadowing?

Here’s the Craigslist posting:

Lost Kryptonite lock - $25 (Lakeshore)

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Date: 2009-11-24, 12:13PM EST
Reply to: sale-wtusq-1480454738@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I left my Kryptonite lock in Humber Bay Park; you know that nice bit of trail on the waterfront between S Kingsway and Royal York Road.

If you’ve found it please let me know and I’ll head wherever you are to pick it up, it’d be really nice to lock up my bike again, asking strangers to watch it for me is too unreliable and awkward.

How do you forget a lock? You pull it out and realize that you’re in a park and don’t need it because you’re just climbing the tree it’s leaned against. And then you forget it…

And hey, there's $25 in it for you if you return it.
Thanks!

Here's my bike in a tree:

worth it.

Grammar counts

There are already girl's bike's and boy's bikes, but I feel like this is a step in the wrong direction...
Click the image for a better look at the headline.

Don't go Brake'in my Heart

I just went two days without riding a bike.

It’s terrible.

I have to take the *shudder* TTC or walk everywhere. Either way it takes way longer to get everywhere, which really only means it takes me longer to get to work - so I just get there late (like I’m going to wake up earlier).

I declared my bike unridable after getting back from that long Sunday ride because of the brake situation. I had to take it slower than my friends that day because my brakes weren’t stopping me as quickly and quietly as I’d like, and it only got worse.

The Odyssey (my Peugeot) has always made weird noises, it’s kind of endearing. When I slow down with my front brakes it sounds like Obi-Wan Kenobi powering down the tractor beam on the Death Star. When I used my rear brakes it was usually silent, but frequently sounded like those shadow creatures from Ghost. I could live with that.

Saturday night, I took a spill taking a 160degree turn too fast on wet leaves. Somehow I bruised my shin, but who cares about personal injuries when your bike could be broken!

People heal, bikes don’t.

I ran through the gears and pedaled around slowly, it was fine. Then I pulled the brakes – front and back sounded like out-of-tune trumpet playing dolphins being eaten by a barking leopard seal that is somehow eating and playing a kazoo at the same time. Oh, and that kazoo is made of pomeranian puppies punching each other in the face.

Also, it took me probably 10 metres to stop later on when I was heading fast down a hill. I like being alive just enough for that to be a problem with me.

With the narrowing hours of bike shops as the season winds down, I’ll have to wait until tomorrow evening to ride again.

I know it’s a little against the spirit of this blog to have somebody else work on my bike, especially this early on. I know it sets a bad precedent; the thing is though, that right now I’m missing some key things to do it myself. Important things like tools… and knowledge.

Dog days of Autumn, also my bike in a tree.

[I wrote this last night, so “today” is actually yesterday, and “tomorrow” is today, “next weekend” means this weekend, and “petit oiseau” means little bird.]

Today was quite possibly the last great, sunny, beautiful day to bike all over the city. We’re lucky enough this autumn to say that a lot.

The last few weekends I’ve been outside as much as possible, on my bike and otherwise, to take in the “last” perfect fall weekend before the sidewalks turn to ice, the streets to slush, and my steel bike to rust. After such a weak summer, it’s only fair to drag out fall for a little longer. But since this isn’t a first date, I’m going to stop talking about the weather.

It was gorgeous out (dammit). A couple of friends and I took our bikes down to the lakeshore and headed west all of the way to Humber Bay Park. It’s a great ride, takes you over some neat bridges, a playground with dinosaurs, and the only bicycle speed limit sign I’ve ever seen in my life. 20km/h near Sunnyside Park, we only paid about as much attention to the speed limit as the drivers next to us on Lake Shore blvd.

It was just good ol’ fashioned bike riding, riding for the sake of it. We weren’t heading anywhere and instead of our watches we were timing by the sun. It was a great way to spend he last beautiful weekend day. Maybe we should cycle every day like the season’s going to end tomorrow. Metaphor for how to live life?

No.

It’s a simile, stupid.

Here's my bike in a tree:

I'm glad nobody was around to see this

Last night my roommate came into my bedroom and said

“Hey let’s turn my bike into a fixie!”

“Right now? I asked?

“Yeah, right now, if it doesn’t happen now, well, it might not.”

“Ok”

That was around 12:30am

By 1:40am we were riding it up and down the street. Why did it take an hour? Because we’re pathetic. He rides a Specialized Langster, all stock, with a flip-flop hub, he started with it as a single speed and never made the flip before in the season he’s been riding.

It seemed obvious enough to start. We look at it, propped in a guitar stand, and see what’s between us and the rear wheel being off: 2 bolts and a chain. Easy, right?

2 bolts, off in a couple minutes with a wrench, the chain was off in another second, just lifting it off of the hub and chainring. Flip the wheel around (or flop) and that’s that. Put the bolts and chain back on, wash up and we’re done.

But, chain tension is a bitch.

After a lot of focus and watching a few videos on Youtube we got the wheel straight. Youtube was useless for that, so was google; all of the instructions we found just said you put the wheel back on, they didn’t even say “good luck” in getting in true.

It was straight, but the chain was loose, then the chain was perfect but the wheel was crooked. It took an embarrassingly long time to get it right, but it was both of our first times. – Ok, I know how that sounded, but we were both clumsy and asking each other a lot of unnecessary questions, and when it was over I cried for about 20 minutes, so it went exactly how my first time for everything went. Yep, that sounds about right, except that it took over an hour.

Riding it just proved we didn’t have the right tension, so after all of that effort he’s taking it into the shop today to make it all right.

I think I’m going to go ride to McDonalds and eat a fillet o’ fish. For the first time ever… be back in 30 seconds and 20 minutes.

Bike Building project 01: The Wheels

You can’t get very far without these:

The tires don’t match, but neither do my socks.

In the deal with the frame, I got Mach-1 510 rims. I love black spokes and these sexy things have 32 of them each. They’re by no means the lightest rims in town, but for city riding I’d definitely take strength over weight any day. These aren’t going to get wrecked easy, and the potholes in Toronto eat bikes for breakfast. Ever ride along Adelaide? Don’t.

I ruined the rear wheel on my Peugeot on King Street in the spring. I was on my way to donate blood (for reals). A door was thrown in front of me, and rather than hit it, I decided to try to avoid it. My front wheel ended up in the street car track and I flipped into the back of a truck. I had a wicked bruise and needed a new rear wheel.
Oh and I still donated blood because I’m a badass like that. The blood clinic didn’t have any icepacks though, but they gave me plenty of Oreos. Thanks nurse!

I got a cheap replacement for $30 – fine. What really cranked my chain was that the broken wheel was an original part from the original 1976 purchase of this beautiful bike. Ever since then I’ve been afraid my wheels where made of butter.

I’m not worried about these Mach-1 510s, the feel like they could stop a bullet.

Let’s not test that theory though.

Right now it's set up with a free wheel, I haven't decided if I'm going fixed or free on the back, I just know it's going to be a single speed when it's done. I'll debate that whole thing later.

RUNNING TOTAL: $200
RUNNING TIME: 30 minutes

Bike Building project 01: The Frame

Allegedly, there's some chrome under that chipped white paint and rust. I’m gonna go find it.

I live on Craigslist. I check it habitually.

Wake up, eat breakfast, check email, get to work, check email, and check Craigslist.

It’s the 5^th thing I do EVERY day! And 2 of the 4 things I do before it is check email. I keep on it because I knew that one day there would be the right bike for me, somewhere, some day, available in downtown Toronto (like I’m going to Oshawa to check out a bike, really).

I’ve seen that bike, that perfect bike – probably a few times a month. It’s come in the form of Specialized Lancers, Giants, old Cannondales, lovely bikes at a very fair price. The listings even made it seem like the bikes were legitimately loved and cared for – they even spelled everything properly and had pictures without the “available upon request.” I always hate that part, are they that lazy? Do they think saying “Bike, red, $100 – pics available on request” doesn’t make them sound like a dick? – off topic.

Dream bikes, right.

All of the bikes I wanted had the same problem:

They’re too small.

Maybe I’m too big? Yeah, that sounds better.

I’m too big.

At 6’4 I’m in the top 5% of men in terms of height.

Top 2% in everything else, except for skiing.

Fuck skiing.

I need a 63cm+ frame.

I ride a 63cm right now with the seat up at least another 10.

This rusty Ciocc is a 64. Halleluiah. It’s pretty light, but then everything bike frame feels light when you’re used to a steeler with a big kryptonite lock hanging off of it, also most bikes have wheels… and a seat. Still, feels light, feels good.

It’s got a Jun stem and a nothing-special-about-it dropbar. I might cut it or something, just for fun.

Check the pictures, next time you see this, it’ll be prettier.

I picked it up with a wheelset for $200. It’s going to be the best deal I get in this whole process. The guy even came by my place and dropped it off for me. Thanks, I don't remember your name.

RUNNING TOTAL: $200

RUNNING TIME: 30 minutes.